Pillars

Week 5 Blog: April 29, 2024

Content Title: Pillars

              Throughout the first four weeks, I withstood the temptation to begin our journey together in a fashion that would unravel with no intention. For some of our readers, my ability to be deliberate in thought and action would not surprise them. For others who are barely getting to know me, please know that there is nothing I will do for that matter, without intent. This is particularly true with this blog. Intention is and has always been at the forefront of my mind. The content relatable but transparent as God requested of me.

              The God I grew up knowing, was always portrayed as a God of order. This echoed in conversations with my grandparent’s and even the elders of the church I was raised in. However, what I grew to understand and have had to learn is that God is one who is interested in the details. What matters to Him can be found throughout the simplest and sometimes overlooked details not only in His word, but also surrounding us daily. This was a point that drew me to understand that although I was being called to this ministry, I had to focus on the details as well.

              Back in January when God revealed this blog to me, there were plenty of questions and God supplied EVERY detail. But something was glaringly apparent when I decided to begin writing; this was a ministry that God had called me to, and I needed to add structure to what was being asked of me. I could not “wing it” and the more I paid attention to different organizations around me, the more clarity I received on putting together a solid structure for this ministry.

              As previously mentioned, there was a great temptation to list every struggle or issue I encountered that I felt God wanted to Day 1. In fact, I had a running list of topics that I wanted to write about and thought that on my first post, I would unveil everything all at once. I was (fortunately) stopped by the Holy Spirit and guided to four items that were to be established. Four Pillars of this ministry. This is not to say that these are the four to EVERY other ministry, church, organization or even calling. However, for this journey to continue, I had to ensure that for myself and my loved ones, we set forth an understanding and foundation to lean on. Especially when those topics that make us flinch appear.

PILLAR 1 (Week 1) Surrender

              God has called me to a total surrender of heart, mind, and soul. Accepting this call has enabled me to discuss openly my thoughts but more importantly my testimony. In short, you may have heard it once before but…

“…relinquishing total control of every thought of insecurity, shameful record of sin, broken promise, and in particular, the deepest emotions that infiltrated my mind and my heart”

(HFSP, The Welcome…)

              HFSP’s first pillar is built on the foundation of SURRENDER. This call was given with a clear direction by God. I had not only been provided an opportunity to surrender everything, but I had been given a mandate to the church. The church has “held it together” for far too long. We have worn the outfits as well as the titles all while maintaining our struggles under wraps when those were the very items, we knew God was trying to extract us from. As a collective body of Christ, the soon-to-be bride, we have worn the dress, wrinkled, and stained. I stand first in line admitting, I took for granted the daily task of surrendering, believing that my usual Sunday encounters were sufficient for me to battle my struggles when all along, I was being manhandled continuously adding to my pile of hidden agendas.

23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23 (NIV)

              It was impossible for me to build out this ministry without conceding a daily surrender. A reminder not only of what Jesus surrendered for me, but a daily reminder that I am denying myself an opportunity to revert in any factor of my life. I challenge you with this first pillar. As a reader who has returned and in hopes of continuing with me on this journey, are you willing to deny yourself daily and surrender daily? Not only in our hearts, but our decisions and our thoughts. Abandoning all hope in one’s ability to still be “put together” and trusting God enough to reveal yourself in true form.

PILLAR 2 (Week 2) Identify

              HFSP’s second pillar is based on identifying and calling out the items in our lives that have been the stumbling blocks. While I sat in that prayer room, uttering my surrender and even writing it down on paper that evening now seems like the easiest part. In fact, I wrote “My identity is secured in my surrender.” But what happens when it is time to IDENTIFY the items that no longer identify with the character God is requiring of us. How do we separate and identify the items that we may have concealed and are even hesitant to let go?

              This pillar is critical as it runs collaboratively with surrender. Most recently, there has been a visible push in substituting the identity of a believer and it has caused blurred lines into what God has separated as sin. I grew complacent accepting certain terms of my life as they were. I was comfortable saying that God was “working” on me while never identifying what items He was working on. I altered and accommodated sin in and around my life because I was not ready to let certain items go.

              By identifying our struggles and calling them out in surrender to God, we allow ourselves the opportunity to finally admit we never had a handle on them making the reality even more evident. Our ability to identify those items encourages us to lay them down and forsake them as we begin identifying the power of forgiveness in Him that leads to restoration of your identity in Him. There is immense power in not only knowing that at one time sin was alive and you were destined for death, but your sin has now been identified and is now dead as you live in Christ. It’s a new beginning!

PILLAR 3 (Week 3) Unprejudiced

              You have read several times by now that I was raised in church and as great as that was, it also created in me biases that I have had to work through. A sense of self entitlement perverted my judgement, and it was only complicated when I was challenged later in my life. I found myself denying opportunities to seek out help or guidance worried about what would be thought of me. How would I damage my “testimony” if word got out that I was struggling in an area in my life that appeared to be secured?

              This third pillar will be the hardest for us to accommodate. We are wired to judge all things character related. As a church, somehow along the way, we assumed the robe of judgement while some in my generation shouted, “Only God Can Judge Me!” in vain. Collectively, we held the gavel in pursuit of truth while having our finger ready to point out the next issue that seeped out from private. As previously mentioned, this was me. I was that Pharisee who justified my actions and even my sin.

              I have broken free from the stigma that there is humiliation as a believer in admittance of my struggles. I have surpassed the thoughts and plenty of scenarios that could play out as revelations of my past become public. I don’t use them for any other reason than to glorify God and what He has done in my life and what He can do in yours. That a (somewhat) quiet kid from Jersey with what seemed to be a bible-based upbringing still struggled and how I failed a million times but through Jesus, I was able to be redeemed.

              Will there be gasps of shock here soon? Yes! It is inevitable. But as we approach those posts, we view them as I would view your story, unprejudiced and knowing that God intervened with the final say. Walk in confidence that through His faithfulness, your story regardless of the content, points right back to the cross and through love and Christ there is a healing waiting for someone who desperately needs to hear the details. You are NEVER alone!

PILLAR 4 (Week 4) Accountability

              Our final pillar for HFSP was based on last week’s post regarding a transparent moment with my daughter. As I wrote that post, God continued revealing to me just how deep I allowed pride to penetrate my heart. Opening a recent yet vulnerable moment where I humbly asked for forgiveness from my daughter brought light to something that was absent for most my life. A lack of accountability.

              Growing up as a child in a Hispanic household, you did what you were told and when to do it. No questions asked. And we will be diving into my childhood in detail soon enough, but I can say that asking for forgiveness was a struggle. There stands out a moment that in my life has impacted me more than I could imagine and began restoring me in ways I never thought possible. It surrounded a key figure in our next series, my father.

              In short, our relationship for most of my teenage years into young adulthood was blatantly rocky. There is so much to discuss and each of these issues deserve full details, but just trust that we both hurt each other. In May of 2022, while preparing to move to North Carolina, my father decided to take a trip with his wife to visit us from Buffalo, NY before our departure. It was a refreshing moment and one that was long overdue.

              The morning of his departure back home, we gathered to say goodbye and in front of my wife, my kids, and his wife, with tears in his eyes, he apologized for everything that had gone on in our lives. I held his face and thanked him while apologizing for my part with the world on pause for just a second. For the first time in my life, we dually accepted accountability for what had transpired not pretending as if they were absent or nonexistent. This moment marked my life and brought such a strong revelation of what God is desiring of His church.

              A desire first of reconciliation with Him and then with the body of Christ. A reconciliation that sees family members, friends and even those that we may have sworn off as enemies. One that is bold enough to begin with self-awareness, reflection, and accountability. The forgiveness I felt in that moment in May was only mirrored when I decided to surrender my all in January. The weight lifted was incomparable to anything before and having my family present for that moment only magnified it. A moment that I was unsure would ever happen in my life, became the starting point of moving closer to God.

              Readers, these are the four pillars God placed on my heart for this ministry. In obedience, I share them with you and deliberately I share them with their own posts so you can understand how we will proceed with this blog. I hope it emboldens you as you prepare to share how good God has been to you. I pray it discourages any fear or doubt that may be cast your way and most importantly, may you understand that together, everything we do, is for His Kingdom!

Next Content Title: The Early Years (Pt. 1) to be released 5/20

(Yes, I will miss you too, but our next topic is strong and want to ensure we are giving everyone a proper time to reset.)

                                                                                                                                                                              -AMN